Thursday, January 20, 2011

I Desperately Want to Fall in Love

I desperately want to fall in love......with myself.  Self esteem is something I have struggled with since I was probably about 12 years old. That was nearly 20 years ago.  You would think that I would have gotten control of this 20 year war by now, but it just seems to get worse as it goes on.  I thought I was fat then, boy do I wish I could be that skinny now.  After having children my weight has hovered just 5 lbs more than when I found out I was pregnant with John.  He was born 5 months ago.  You would think I had enough time to get those last pesky five pounds in my rear view mirror. Celebrities always attribute loosing their baby weight to breastfeeding, I am calling them on that one.  Bull...I have been almost exclusively breastfeeding for the past five months and I do not see a Heidi Klumesque figure staring back at me in the mirror. Well, I didn't really see one before either.


Anyway, don't get me wrong.  I do not sit on my couch everyday all day eating ice cream, Twinkies, or bon bons.  I do have ice cream on occasion just like anyone else.  I do not fry anything I cook either.  I carry loads and loads of laundry up two flights of stairs and carry my child wherever we may go.  Yes, I realize this isn't equivalent to a gym work out, but its something.


Two years ago, I started cycling.  The place I worked had to locations we traveled back and forth to work.  The distance was 20 miles. We would ride there and back on a tandem bicycle until I was confident enough to ride on my own.  My boss was really into cycling so I decided to give it a whirl.  I loved it.  There is nothing that compares to taking in the world from the seat of a bicycle.  It was a stress reliever as well as exercise. I lost 19lbs.  That may not seem like alot for averaging 40 miles a week riding time but for me that was HUGE.  I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and that makes it a little more challenging for me to loose weight. I am not using that as an excuse, just stating a fact.  I stopped riding when I found out I was pregnant.  An accident could have caused me to loose my precious baby boy and I didn't want to risk that.


So now I have the most wonderful little boy that I am SO thankful for. I have found it difficult to have any time to exercise at all. Taking care of an infant plus two older children and the housework consumes every minute of time that I have.  I am really hoping that come spring time I will be able to at least go walking at the park. I am tired of hiding behind my children in family photos and running from every mirror in my house, especially the one in the bathroom when its shower time. 


 Its time to heal my self esteem problem and be able to honestly believe my husband when he says he is attracted to me.  I mean I don't think someone would pay for a thoroughbred horse then realized they ended up with a donkey.


So, if anyone has advice, I am all ears ( hee honk)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

5 Random Things

So, here are my five random things as freakish as they may be:




1.) I eat shrimp tails. I actually think they taste better than the "shrimp flesh"


2.) I once had a pigeon poop on my white choir shirt while I was walking to the concert location. It was a ruffle collard shirt and I used one of my earrings to pin a ruffle over the poop spot.


3.) While visiting a water park with the church youth group I lost my bathing suit top in front of the other members of the group.


4.) I too, am afraid of the dark.


5.) I rarely shave my legs during pant season.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Who Hit the Fast Forward Button

I remember when I was a little girl it seemed to take ages for the school year to pass, Christmas or my birthday to come, and days took ages to pass.  I used to dream about becoming a teenager, getting married, kids, and turning 30.  All those things came and went and with each passing year, milestone or heartbreak it feels as if someone has hit the fast forward button on life.  My oldest son will soon be 8 years old.  It just seems surreal.  The next isn't but 13 months younger.  They are turning into big little men right before my eyes.  Isaac even made the comment the other day that he was going to pray for a wife. WIFE! That is a word that I hope I have quite a few more years before they are part of the present tense. Then again those years will only seem like mere weeks when they arrive.  The baby I had last week is now 5 months old ( in 3 days). I love my boys and I love to watch them grow. I hope I am blessed enough to see them grow into men with families of their own.  I hope this year is filled with much adventure, happiness, and love.  Hug the ones you love and cherish each moment because unfortunately though there does seem to be a fast forward button, there is no pause or rewind.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

God's Hand at Work

So, a few months ago I met Dana.  She is an awesome mommy, wife and blog designer.  She has three beautiful boys.  Mason, who is the middle son, has special needs. You can read his story here.  So, anyway, to the point. I recently met Crystal. God's hand was surely at work in this, there is no doubt in my mind about that.  She had put together an auction/raffle with some REALLY AWESOME prizes.  100% of the profits from this will go straight to the Sears family to help with Mason's medical needs.  This was a secret up until the wee hours of the morning, but please feel free to stop by the auction http://www.domesticbutnotmartha.com/2011/01/event-you-have-all-been-waiting-for.html.  And please spread the word, twitter, facebook, whatever. We just want to get this out there so God can use us to make a difference for this wonderful family so maybe, just maybe, a burden can be made a little lighter.


GOD BLESS

stephanie
 
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