I desperately want to fall in love......with myself. Self esteem is something I have struggled with since I was probably about 12 years old. That was nearly 20 years ago. You would think that I would have gotten control of this 20 year war by now, but it just seems to get worse as it goes on. I thought I was fat then, boy do I wish I could be that skinny now. After having children my weight has hovered just 5 lbs more than when I found out I was pregnant with John. He was born 5 months ago. You would think I had enough time to get those last pesky five pounds in my rear view mirror. Celebrities always attribute loosing their baby weight to breastfeeding, I am calling them on that one. Bull...I have been almost exclusively breastfeeding for the past five months and I do not see a Heidi Klumesque figure staring back at me in the mirror. Well, I didn't really see one before either.
Anyway, don't get me wrong. I do not sit on my couch everyday all day eating ice cream, Twinkies, or bon bons. I do have ice cream on occasion just like anyone else. I do not fry anything I cook either. I carry loads and loads of laundry up two flights of stairs and carry my child wherever we may go. Yes, I realize this isn't equivalent to a gym work out, but its something.
Two years ago, I started cycling. The place I worked had to locations we traveled back and forth to work. The distance was 20 miles. We would ride there and back on a tandem bicycle until I was confident enough to ride on my own. My boss was really into cycling so I decided to give it a whirl. I loved it. There is nothing that compares to taking in the world from the seat of a bicycle. It was a stress reliever as well as exercise. I lost 19lbs. That may not seem like alot for averaging 40 miles a week riding time but for me that was HUGE. I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and that makes it a little more challenging for me to loose weight. I am not using that as an excuse, just stating a fact. I stopped riding when I found out I was pregnant. An accident could have caused me to loose my precious baby boy and I didn't want to risk that.
So now I have the most wonderful little boy that I am SO thankful for. I have found it difficult to have any time to exercise at all. Taking care of an infant plus two older children and the housework consumes every minute of time that I have. I am really hoping that come spring time I will be able to at least go walking at the park. I am tired of hiding behind my children in family photos and running from every mirror in my house, especially the one in the bathroom when its shower time.
Its time to heal my self esteem problem and be able to honestly believe my husband when he says he is attracted to me. I mean I don't think someone would pay for a thoroughbred horse then realized they ended up with a donkey.
So, if anyone has advice, I am all ears ( hee honk)
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Sweetie, I know exactly what you mean! I'm trying to fall in love with myself too. Keep up the good work darling and maybe we can do this together. You are definitely not a donkey, you're very beautiful inside & out
ReplyDeleteListen to www.hayhouseradio.com. Dr. Christianne Northup, Marianne Williamson, and Carolyn Myss are great authors with shows on their. I listen during the day when I can while I'm working. It has helped me so much. Carolyn Myss wrote a book entitled Self Esteem, which was recommended to me. You can get the audio book on Amazon. I'm much better at listening while doing other things. You are divine, you are beautiful and you deserve the world and all the love in it, including your own. Also, hormones can make someone a different person. Let's not forget that factor. I'd check with your Dr. to see if you can take some supplements or anything to make sure your hormones are balanced. Having a baby wreaks havoc on your body and once you are balanced you will feel soooo much better. Be patient and be kind to yourself. Hugs.
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